Holding Both: Joy and Grief

Are you dreading the holidays this year because you don’t know how to celebrate while missing someone you love? 

You’re in the right place. 

Holding two opposing emotions at the same time seems, wrong. Experiencing joy and grief together is, at first, uncomfortable. But over time you will realize that it is possible and may even be necessary. 

There is no “how to” for celebrating the holidays while grieving someone or something you love. But continue reading for a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this new journey. 

Validate your feelings.

At moments you will feel sad, joyful, angry, frustrated, happy, and content. It is so important to validate these feelings when you notice them and try not to ignore them or hide them. It could be helpful to identify someone close to you to share these feelings with as they show up. They can help validate your feelings too!

Do what feels right.

The first holiday season without a loved one can feel overwhelming. You might be thinking “what traditions am I supposed to continue?” or “how can I do [fill in the blank] without them?” Remember that it is okay to change things. And, how you celebrate the holidays this year does not have to be the same as next year or the year before. Do what feels right for you now, in this current season. You are more than able to make changes next year. 

Say “no” and leave early when needed.

You know what you need. Therefore, say “no” or leave early if you need to. Having an exit plan might help you feel more comfortable going to a holiday party or dinner at someone’s house. Maybe you drive yourself this year or create a “ready to leave” signal with the person you ride with. This ensures that you can socialize when and for how long you want to, without putting yourself in an uneasy position. 

Ride the wave.

Emotions will come and emotions will go, so ride the wave. You will experience ups and downs throughout the holiday season. In the moment, it can feel like time is standing still and this sadness will never leave. So, be sure to remind yourself that this season and these emotions will not last forever. Identify some coping skills that will help you ride out the difficult emotions as they show up, so you can be just as present for the enjoyable moments. 

Be gentle on yourself this holiday season. Navigating grief during the holidays is hard. If you need additional support throughout the next few months, feel free to reach out to our front office to help connect you with a therapist.